On the Drive Home from Nursery School

Me (in upbeat mom voice): Eliza, what do you do today?

Eliza: I threw something at someone.

Me (exaggerated inhalation of shock): No! You shouldn't do that! What did you throw?

Eliza: A parrot.

Me: Who did you throw it at?

Eliza: Ms. Iman

Me: Did you apologize?

Eliza: Yes

Me: Were you nice to people?

Eliza: Yes, I was nice to everybody.

Miles: I went outside....I fought Jude. I have more muscles than she does. I have more muscles than Makenzie. I have the most muscles!

Me: You have the same number of muscles. But if you eat all your vegetables, you can have bigger muscles, and that will make you stronger. But you shouldn't fight. What happened?

Miles: I poked her in the eye.

Me: That's horrible! 

Miles: I went outside. The teacher made me. She didn't take me to the baby room (it's a punishment to be sent down to the nursery if you're "acting like a baby") or to the office. She just took me outside the room.

Me: What did she say?

Miles (in firm tone): You stay right there!

Me: Then what happened.

Miles: I cried. (in a more mumbled tone: Then I shot a sticky web over the room...over the sticky garbage...ffshyew! ffshyew!!) Then I went back inside and was nice to everyone.